People tend to respond to what others say with their own thoughts. This is a natural part of the ebb and flow of conversation. However, it often means they aren’t listening.
Even though we all “know” how to listen we often do a poor job of it. True listening takes effort and practice. How will you know you aren’t listening?
- The other person keeps repeating herself.
- You keep repeating yourself.
- You’re angry.
- You’re thinking what to say next.
- You’re arguing.
- You’re convinced the other person is a moron.
- You’re being defensive.
- The other person says you aren’t listening!
To be a good listener take the following steps:
- Be curious and ask questions.
Put yourself in the other person’s shoes.
- Look for ways to acknowledge how he’s right.
- Don’t become defensive.
- When you disagree, state your point directly without criticism.
- Avoid “facts” which are irrelevant to the discussion.
- Remain calm, remember the other person is merely expressing ideas.
- Make it a priority for her to feel understood.
Listening: How To Listen and How Not to Listen
July 12, 2010 By
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