Every January, the same pattern repeats.
People set ambitious goals. They promise themselves this will be the year things finally change. New routines. New habits. A new version of themselves.
And then, slowly, motivation fades.
By February, most people are left wondering the same thing:
Why can’t I just stick with it?
According to David Cantu, Founder of Life Coach Austin, the problem is not discipline or effort. The problem is the way we’ve been taught to think about habits.
“Willpower gets far too much credit,” Cantu says. “People assume lasting change comes from trying harder, when in reality it comes from understanding yourself better.”
The Myth of Willpower
Willpower is often treated as the ultimate solution. If you fail to stick to a habit, the conclusion feels obvious: you didn’t want it badly enough.
But research and lived experience tell a different story. Willpower is a limited resource. It fluctuates with stress, sleep, emotional load, and life circumstances.
“When someone is overwhelmed, anxious, or emotionally exhausted, their nervous system is already working overtime,” Cantu explains. “Expecting willpower to carry the load on top of that is unrealistic.”
This is why even highly motivated people struggle to maintain habits during stressful seasons. The issue is not laziness. It is capacity.
Habits Are Emotional Before They Are Behavioral
Most habit advice focuses on behavior. Wake up earlier. Stop scrolling. Exercise more. Eat better.
What is often overlooked is the emotional role habits play.
“Every habit is meeting a need,” Cantu says. “Sometimes that need is comfort. Sometimes it’s relief. Sometimes it’s a sense of control.”
Late-night snacking, procrastination, overworking, or constant distraction often serve as coping mechanisms. Removing them without addressing the underlying emotional need creates resistance, not change.
This is why sheer willpower rarely works long-term. You are not just changing an action. You are interrupting a pattern your body and mind rely on for stability.
What Actually Builds Lasting Habits
If willpower is unreliable, what works instead?
According to Cantu, lasting habits are built on three foundations: awareness, emotional safety, and consistency.
“Before you change a habit, you need to understand what it’s doing for you,” he says. “Once you see that clearly, you can build something healthier that meets the same need.”
Rather than forcing change, sustainable habit-building starts with curiosity. Why do you reach for your phone when you’re stressed? Why do routines fall apart during busy weeks? Why does rest feel uncomfortable?
From there, habits become supportive rather than punitive.
“When habits feel safe and achievable, people stop fighting themselves,” Cantu explains. “That’s when change starts to stick.”
Small Wins Matter More Than Big Goals
Another reason willpower fails is scale. People often aim too big, too fast.
Daily workouts. Complete lifestyle overhauls. Perfect routines.
“When goals are unrealistic, failure feels personal,” Cantu says. “But consistency isn’t built through intensity. It’s built through repetition.”
Small habits, practiced regularly, create trust. Each follow-through reinforces the belief that change is possible.
That belief is far more powerful than motivation.
The Role of Compassion in Habit Change
One of the most overlooked elements of habit-building is self-compassion.
People often abandon habits after a missed day, labeling themselves inconsistent or undisciplined. This mindset shuts progress down.
“Missing a day isn’t failure,” Cantu says. “It’s feedback. And feedback is how growth happens.”
Approaching habits with flexibility allows room for real life. Stressful weeks, emotional seasons, and unexpected disruptions no longer derail progress entirely.
Instead of starting over, people learn to continue.
A New Way Forward
As the new year unfolds, the invitation is not to push harder. It is to look deeper.
Habits that last are not built on force. They are built on understanding, emotional regulation, and realistic expectations.
“Lasting change doesn’t come from fighting who you are,” Cantu says. “It comes from working with yourself, not against yourself.”
For anyone feeling discouraged by past attempts at change, this perspective offers relief. You are not broken. You are human.
And with the right support, change becomes possible again.
