Learn to Listen Better

David CantuRelationships

You never really understand a person until you consider things from his point of view–until you climb inside of his skin and walk around in it. ~ Harper Lee “To Kill a Mockingbird”

Good communication requires connection and understanding. To create that, we must not only speak effectively but also listen well. Poor communication begins by focusing single-mindedly on making our point or on being right; we fail to understand the other person. To listen well I should be actively engaged and curious – I must ask questions. We might not agree with one other, but by seeking common ground I make understanding and accord far more likely. I look for what’s going on beneath the surface; I listen not only to the words and thoughts but also to the emotions. I’m considerate of the needs of others as well as my own. Real communication begins when the person I’m speaking with feels acknowledged and understood. By grasping another’s perspective, I create a connection. As a result, I’m more likely to gain trust and to create a reciprocal response; I’m in a better position to express my own thoughts and feelings. In order to be heard I first must listen.

David Cantu
Life Coach Austin Texas
Learn to Listen Well © 2007

Matthew 13:16 (NIV)
But blessed are your eyes because they see, and your ears because they hear.

You CAN Change People – Myth?

David CantuRelationships

Be the change you want to see in the world. ~ Mahatma Gandhi

It’s a myth that we can’t change others. Within everyone’s soul is a great desire to create, to love and be loved, to relish life. As we embrace this passion we transform ourselves and thereby change others. Our every thought and action is like a fingerprint on the universe, yet more subtle and very powerful. Focus your energy on a happy, fulfilled life and obstacles will arise, but rarely with the intensity you have imagined. Remain steadfast; relentlessly face your fears. You will find joy and unlock a secret to life – within every challenge is a key to greater understanding. Evolving into a creative and abundant being requires rewriting your contracts with life. Each revision brings about an increasing sense of integrity and confidence with which you impact others and expand your circle of influence. We are all here to manifest our spirit; as we do so, we change the people whose lives we touch and the world in which we live.

David Cantu
Life Coach Austin
The Change Myth © 2007

Luke 6:42 (NIV)
…first take the plank out of your eye, and then you will see clearly to
remove the speck from your brother’s eye.

What is True Personal Power?

David CantuSpirituality

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure . ~ Marianne Williamson

True power isn’t a one way street; it isn’t about mastering or defeating another. That is self-aggrandizement or hatred. When we attempt to enforce our will on others we breed distrust, fear, and antagonism both within ourselves and others. The need to dominate others is indicative of a feeling of lack within oneself and attests to one’s sense of weakness rather than power.

True Power seeks responsibility rather than control because otherwise it degenerates into self-gratification. It encourages and works in cooperation with others. Real power is open, seeks understanding and is willing to yield. This is because one who is aware of his power knows that he has much to give and is not run by fear.

Love has no fear and does not attack but understands and forgives; this is power. Ego, on the other hand, is run by fear and selfishness. We move beyond fear to power by nurturing the abundance of our being as we give freely to others. As we do this, we come to realize our beauty and majesty. The source of my power is the light within my being that is in all people. And power is the shining of that light on the world.

David Cantu
Life Coach Austin
What is True Power? © 2007

Matthew 5:14 (NIV)
“You are the light of the world. A city on a hill cannot be hidden.”

Let’s Talk About God

David CantuSpirituality

How important the concept of God is, and how instead of valuing what has been given us, we with light hearts spurn it because of absurdities that have been attached to it. ~ Leo Tolstoy, Last Diaries, 1960

Few words create more passion and have been more misunderstood and abused than “God.” I sometimes ask clients whether they believe in God. One of the most frequent answers goes something like this: “I don’t believe what is taught in churches today, but I do believe in a spirit within me. Yes, I do believe in God.” For those of you who feel cautious talking about God, I encourage you to open your heart. I’m not suggesting that you should change your beliefs, but that you drop your judgment and your fear of judgment. Certainly some people differ with you in their beliefs, but consider that others will have a great deal in common with you. Maybe God’s worth coming out of the closet and talking about? Following are quotes concerning God which I have found enlightening.

David Cantu
Life Coach Austin Texas
Let’s Talk About God © 2005

Knowing God

It is easy to understand God as long as you don’t try to explain him. ~ Joseph Joubert
But I always think that the best way to know God is to love many things. ~ Vincent van Gogh, Dear Theo: An Autobiography of Vincent van Gogh, 1937

God is not what you imagine or what you think you understand. If you understand, you have failed. ~ Saint Augustine

Some people talk about finding God – as if He could get lost. ~ Author Unknown

“What do you think of God,” the teacher asked. After a pause, the young pupil replied, “He’s not a think, he’s a feel.” ~ Paul Frost

What is God?

God is love. ~ 1 John 4:16

God is not the name of God, but an opinion about Him. ~ Pope Xystus I, The Ring

We need not join the mad rush to purchase an earthly fallout shelter. God is our eternal fallout shelter. ~ Martin Luther King, Jr., Strength to Love, 1963

All are but parts of one stupendous whole, Whose body Nature is, and God the soul. ~ Alexander Pope, An Essay on Man, 1734

“I was six when I saw that everything was God, and my hair stood up, and all,” Teddy said. “It was on a Sunday, I remember. My sister was a tiny child then, and she was drinking her milk, and all of a sudden I saw that she was God and the milk was God. I mean, all she was doing was pouring God into God, if you know what I mean. ~ J.D. Salinger, “Teddy,” 1954

God is like the ocean, we’re like the waves. ~ Author Unknown
Chance is perhaps the pseudonym of God when he did not want to sign. ~ Anatole France, Le jardin d’Epicure

Experience of God

I had a thousand questions to ask God; but when I met him they all fled and didn’t seem to matter. ~ Christopher Morley, Inward Ho!, 1923

When the solution is simple, God is answering. ~ Albert Einstein

I distrust those people who know so well what God wants them to do because I notice it always coincides with their own desires. ~ Susan B. Anthony

I had no idea what it would be like to meet God. Then one day my life flashed before my eyes, and there he was. In every experience, “good” and “bad,” there he was. I laughed then for the longest time as I saw how silly it was of me to ever have been scared. ~ David Cantu

People and God

I know God will not give me anything I can’t handle. I just wish that He didn’t trust me so much. ~ Mother Teresa

There are two kinds of people: those who say to God, “Thy will be done,” and those to whom God says, “All right, then, have it your way.” ~ C.S. Lewis, The Screwtape Letters, 1943

I’ve been hiding from God, and I’m appalled to find how easy it is. ~ Mignon McLaughlin, The Second Neurotic’s Notebook, 1966

Every happening, great and small, is a parable whereby God speaks to us, and the art of life is to get the message. ~ Malcolm Muggeridge

God tells me all kinds of things, usually between 4 and 7 a.m. ~ David Cantu

For, after all, put it as we may to ourselves, we are all of us from birth to death guests at a table which we did not spread. The sun, the earth, love, friends, our very breath are parts of the banquet … Shall we think of the day as a chance to come nearer to our Host, and to find out something of Him who has fed us so long? ~ Rebecca Harding Davis

Most people wish to serve God – but only in an advisory capacity. ~ Author Unknown

What we are is God’s gift to us. What we become is our gift to God. ~ Eleanor Powell

God enters by a private door into each individual. ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

Believing in God

I could not say I believe. I know! I have had the experience of being gripped by something that is stronger than myself, something that people call God. ~ Carl Jung

I do not believe in God, for that implies an effort of the will – I see God everywhere! ~ Jean Favre

I cannot imagine how the clockwork of the universe can exist without a clockmaker. ~ Voltaire

Creating Peace Love and Understanding

David CantuLove

For even as love crowns you, so shall he crucify you. Even as he is for your growth so is he for your pruning. ~ Khalil Gibran

We will always face times of sorrow and pain. The question to ask ourselves is: What do I want to do about it? Sorrow and feelings of anger and frustration challenge me to be a greater person than I was yesterday. If I’m willing to look within myself, there’s a chance that I’ll find meaning in my experience. With new meaning I’m able to create a new day, a new life. The alternative is inevitably more of the same, more sorrow and pain. What do I really want? What am I living for? These questions asked in honesty will provide the answers I need; they are internal answers hidden behind emotions. Am I willing to slow down and move beyond the feeling? Am I willing to go where I haven’t been able to go until this moment? Yes! That’s why I live! I live for more love, and joy, and peace; that’s the meaning of life. I live to find new answers and greater connection with others, greater love. That’s what keeps me going. That’s what keeps us all going! Thank God for the pain. Not because I enjoy it, but because now I can know greater glory. This is the peace that transcends understanding. This is love.

David Cantu
Life Coach Austin
Sorrow, Love and Peace © 2006

Philippians 4:7 (NIV)
And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Signs of True Love, Eternal Love

David CantuLove

Love is the emblem of eternity. It confounds all notion of time, effaces all memory of a beginning, all fear of an end. ~ Germaine De Stael

All that I fear or cherish is finite and temporary. It will end. As I embrace this truth, I find myself dwelling more and more on something that endures: love. Not the emotional love that can be wildly erratic – up and exciting one moment, down and frustrating the next. Rather, true love that is infinite and eternal. As I place my focus on this love, I create for myself the opportunity of a rapidly evolving life, one in which each day finds me more peaceful and fulfilled than the last. This is the truth that will set me free.

David Cantu
Life Coach Austin Texas
Eternal Love © 2005

1John 4:16 (NIV)
… God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in him.

Moving From Emptiness to Happiness

David CantuLove

So, instead of going to heaven, at last–
I’m going, all along. ~ Emily Dickinson

We frequently attempt to prove our value to ourselves and to others through external accomplishments. We may get college degrees, lose weight or work eighty-hour weeks. We do this in order to make the emptiness go away or from a mistaken belief that it will result in happiness. But we get only fleeting glimpses of joy this way; the emptiness remains. Our real goal has been love and fulfillment.

Action is necessary, but not sufficient, to fill the emptiness. Doing and accomplishing things does not create happiness. This will come only with love and meaning. The absence of love is toxic and debilitating. It can however, be learned. Yes, it is better to give than to receive, but the experience of receiving is an essential foundation of life. By receiving love we learn to value ourselves. Self-love, then, is the seed for love of others and the prime ingredient that fills the emptiness. Only with the confidence of love are we able to embrace the possibility of joy and fulfillment.

Fulfillment does not come with the achievement of goals; it is not a finite end but an ongoing process. It is the result of living in the present moment rather than in the illusion that some future event will result in happiness. The accomplishment of goals brings feelings of satisfaction and pleasure, but they are temporary and we soon revert to the same general state of emptiness or happiness in which we lived before the event. Goals are good as long as they are in accord with our true desires, a part of a meaningful life rather than an end.

Be true to yourself; identify that which is most significant to you and nurture it. Live your life with gratitude, enthusiasm, and a giving heart. Be fearless; know that both pain and pleasure are essential facets of life, not to be shunned. Accept them equally, but do not obsess with either. Surely, the emptiness will vanish, happiness will be yours.

David Cantu
Marriage Counselor Austin, Texas
Moving From Emptiness to Happiness © 2009

Psalm 23:6
Surely goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.

Why Do People Get Angry?

David CantuEmotion, Personal Growth

Be not angry that you cannot make others as you wish them to be since you cannot make yourself as you wish to be. ~ Thomas à Kempis

What do you really want? Far too often our vision is short sighted and our need for instant gratification so great that we don’t accomplish what we seek; so we get angry. Anger’s many colors include frustration, a need to withdraw and self loathing. Regardless of how we express it, or whether it’s just or inappropriate, anger is a fleeting and ineffective antidote to feelings of powerlessness to get what we want. Its false promise of power is very seductive. We get angry in order to relieve the helplessness that we feel – and for a little while we may succeed – but in fact, anger forfeits power. We put whomever or whatever we’re angry with in the driver’s seat of our emotions and lives.

Know you can succeed. Getting angry focuses attention on your feelings of powerlessness rather than on your goal. Attend to your real desire; obstacles are certain to arise, but the biggest hurdle is your own will to overcome them and to see your goal to fruition. How much do you really want to manifest your desire? Transform the energy of your anger and wield it as passion and determination. Be the person you were meant to be and nothing will be impossible for you!

David Cantu
Life Coach Austin Texas
Why Do We Get Angry? © 2007

Proverbs 16:32 (NASB)
He who is slow to anger is better than the mighty,
And he who rules his spirit, than he who captures a city.

Create Your Life – Life Coaching

David CantuPersonal Growth

Life is not holding a good hand; life is playing a poor hand well. ~ Unknown Author

Many people understand at an intellectual level that we’re each responsible for our own happiness. Yet we frequently blame others or attribute the sadness, anger and pain in our lives to outside circumstances.

Until we really get it that those two ideas are fundamentally contradictory it’s impossible for us to live a fully joyful and loving life; holding even the tiniest part of blame in our hearts renders us powerless to create what we ultimately want.

If I hold anyone or anything other than myself responsible for the feelings or facts of my life, I surrender my power to that person or thing. We don’t create everything that happens to us, but in order to find true peace in life we must take responsibility for all of it.

Otherwise, when we experience pain, failure or hardship, it’s much too easy for our egos to make excuses that keep us fearful and small. True responsibility says “I create every aspect of my life by my actions and reactions.” This is the narrow path of truth that leads to enlightenment.

David Cantu
Life Coach Austin
I Create My Life © 2006

Luke 6:37-38 (NIV)
“Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven. Give, and it will be given to you ….”