Clarity Life Design: 6 Steps to Clarity

David CantuPersonal Growth

Everyone sees the unseen in proportion to the clarity of his heart, and that depends upon how much he has polished it. ~ Rumi

Be clear in speech. Clear speech and sincere listening are as essential to one another as giving is to receiving; without one the circuit is broken and what remains is potential rather than realization. Together they lead to connection and understanding. Don’t assume that you are misunderstood because of other people’s shortcomings. Instead, make yourself a model of conscious listening. The result will be clarity of speech, which is truth.

Be clear in thought. Lack of clear thought feeds unconscious fears and leads to darkness. Guard your thoughts well and practice quieting your mind. A quiet mind is a focused mind. You can achieve this by immersing yourself in those things which deeply engage your mind, your heart and your physical being. They include creativity, love, beauty, prayer, gratitude, contemplation and physical and spiritual activity. Your thoughts, conscious and unconscious, are your tools of manifestation. Clarity of thought leads to fearlessness and wisdom.

Be clear in your heart. Your ego suggests you’re awesome or pathetic but it’s important that you seek the truth. Assess your life honestly and acknowledge both your strengths and shortcomings. Practice self acceptance and resolve to overcome your weaknesses. From love of self comes a desire to live in helpfulness, compassion, and understanding of others. The fruit of love is joy.

Be clear in action. Dreams are beautiful and can inspire but are empty without action. To fulfill your destiny take conscious action now.

Be clear in prayer. Ask not that the world may be healed; ask instead for courage that you may help heal the world through your own transformation.

Be clear in intent. Decide to live in alignment with your highest self. Regardless what you do, your destiny is a joyful life. A conscious and ongoing focus on peace and truth helps make it a reality. Integrity: an alignment of speech, heart, mind, action and spirit makes you a beacon of light and hope in the world.

David Cantu
Life Coach Austin Texas
Clarity in Your Life © 2003

2 Corinthians 4:18
So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.

Personal Integrity, By Definition

David CantuRelationships

But what is happiness except the simple harmony between a man and the life he leads? ~ Albert Camus

Integrity is often defined in moral terms but we can also think of it as wholeness or oneness. In this sense, a person of integrity is one in his entire being: his thoughts, emotions, speech, actions and spirit are all in alignment.

Many of our struggles in life are seemingly a result of external circumstances and relationships. Regardless of the source, a confused response to hardship, a lack of internal unity, will almost certainly make matters worse. Saying one thing but thinking differently or feeling one way but behaving opposite is difficult for us and integrity at these times can appear daunting and impossible. However, the uncertainty and pain are much worse. What keeps us stuck is the familiarity of the feeling. Despite the pain it’s often more comfortable to remain with that which we recognize than to face the unknown.

You’ve lived there too long! We all have. The fear of change is only an illusion. Choose integrity today, be one within yourself. This way lies freedom and joy.

David Cantu
Life Coach Austin Texas
Choose Integrity Now © 2008

Tao Te Ching (from chapter 42)
Ordinary men hate solitude.
But the master makes use of it,
embracing his aloneness, realizing
he is one with the whole universe.

Time is Only an Illusion

David CantuPersonal Growth

The distinction between past, present and future is only an illusion, however persistent. ~ Einstein

Time is a measure of change. It is like many wonderful inventions that help us better communicate and interact with each other. Law, government, money, space, time and countless other ideas can be useful in making sense of the world, our relationships with each other and life. Time is a man-made idea. It has no intrinsic existence – in reality, time does not exist – only the present moment is real.

The past, like the future, exists only in our minds. It certainly does one good to study history and to review one’s past but only as an aid to experience peace now. Instead, our egos endlessly recreate perceived wrongs by others and our own failures and shortcomings. We imagine moments long dead and thereby imprison ourselves in anguish. In the same way, it can be useful to plan for the future, set goals and focus one’s energy on manifesting a joyful life. Rather, we drown in fearful and egotistical illusions of futures unreal but in our minds. We abuse life by fashioning times that are not real.

Only in this moment do you have the opportunity to seek the truth, experience reality, take heroic action, find love and know God. No other time exists.

David Cantu
Life Coach Austin Texas
Time Is in Your Mind There’s Only Now © 2008

The Talmud
Who forces time is pushed back by time; who yields to time finds time on his side.

How to Create a Good Relationship

David CantuArticles, Relationships

To create love: be true to yourself; know yourself and listen to what your partner is really saying; choose someone you’re attracted to, someone who fits you; know your role in the relationship; make a firm commitment and love actively.

Chemistry
It helps to be “into each other.” Ask yourself: is this person someone you really want to spend your time with; is he truly interested in you for who you are? If he takes you for granted now, he’ll use and discard you. In addition, sustaining a relationship because “he’s such a good person” can be a formula for heartache for both of you. Lack of chemistry may lead to ambivalence and this is poison for a relationship. On the other hand, chemistry is a poor foundation for a long-term relationship; it’s great to have but it’s only a start. The infatuation will end. Don’t commit yourself to a relationship without the following six ingredients.

Compatibility
Compatibility is a simple requirement that we often ignore because we think love will solve our problems. It won’t. Are you on the same page? You must know the requirements you aren’t willing to compromise in a relationship; and then you’ve got to make sure your partner agrees with you. Hoping that he’ll change his mind later on is unrealistic; it’s not likely to happen. Issues you need to resolve early in a relationship include finances, children, marriage and spirituality.

Communication
Do you really know how to listen? Listening is not a passive endeavor, it requires an active desire to know what others want to say and mean. Is your partner more emotional or more thoughtful? Knowing how to honor a person’s feelings and to respect someone’s thoughts is an important aspect of communication. Do you know how to get your point across without blaming or humiliating your partner? Speaking respectfully and honestly is as crucial as listening. Equally important, does your partner communicate well?

Authenticity
Do you know who you are, how you feel and what you want? Unless you’re willing to stand up for yourself, you can’t create a good relationship. If you’re a people pleaser, if you deny your feelings until you explode or if you repeatedly sabotage relationships, you aren’t being authentic. Authenticity is speaking the truth about yourself. It requires that you love yourself enough to say yes or no and mean it. If you’re authentic, you recognize and acknowledge your shortcomings. Only by seeing yourself honestly can you see your partner honestly. Lack of authenticity makes relationships roller-coasters of deception and emotion.

Identity in the Relationship
Along with authenticity, identity in the relationship is a crucial marriage and courtship ingredient that’s often overlooked. Who is masculine and who is feminine in the relationship? Who thinks or feels more? It doesn’t work to assume answers to these questions. Most couples still want the man to lead and the woman to follow. However, we live in an age which acknowledges women’s leadership and men’s emotions. Knowing which role is true for both you and your partner will help you avoid power struggles. Sharing the role of leadership seldom works; a primary leader is needed in love. But, leadership does not mean dominance. Power is shared and each partner must understand the source of his or her power. Masculine power is different from feminine power.

Commitment
Without commitment no relationship exists. The single biggest cause of failed relationships is not money, chemistry, compatibility or even communication; it’s ambivalence – a lack of commitment. Commitment is a testament of love.

Love
Love is the essential ingredient of a good relationship. A partial definition of love is the feeling that one has for another. A more complete definition includes one’s treatment of another; love respects, honors, cherishes, forgives and is compassionate. Unless you actively love, the feelings you have are irrelevant. It’s important that your partner love you also, but look first at your own actions.

David Cantu
Life Coach Austin Texas
How to Create a Good Relationship © 2007

Corinthians 13:4-7
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

What is Marriage All About – Dangerous Ambivalence or Joyful Commitment?

David CantuRelationships

Marriage is our last, best chance to grow up. ~ Joseph Barth

Marriage brings great rewards of loving intimacy and heart-wrenching emotional turbulence. We frequently cope with this apparent conflict with ambivalence, which makes true joy in marriage impossible. Concerning love, you cannot be of two minds and yet hope to experience her riches. Time and again we discard commitment in marriage before we’ve unearthed its great treasures of self awareness and humility. We opt for divorce as a means of dealing with the pain. Yes, there is a time to let go and a time to remain. But know that emotional pain is not the problem; it’s the symptom. It’s a call for healing, growth and understanding. Make a commitment to oneness and you create the possibility of experiencing true love. You can move beyond the doubt and hesitation by looking honestly into your heart. As you deal with your own fears and failures you will see your partner with greater clarity and compassion. This is the path of surrender and vulnerability that leads to joy in marriage or letting go in peace. Your commitment to love lights the way past suffering to wisdom. We are all connected in love and marriage is our best chance to manifest that truth.

David Cantu
Life Coach Austin Texas
Marriage – Dangerous Ambivalence or Joyful Commitment? © 2007

1 Timothy 1:5
…love, which comes from a pure heart and a good conscience and a sincere faith.

Embrace the Power of Surrender

David CantuLove

The greatness of a man’s power is the measure of his surrender. ~ William Booth

Concerning relationships, surrender does not mean giving up or defeat but a commitment to love. To yield is not always a sign of weakness – it can be an indication of great strength and wisdom. This is because a fearless refusal to fight rests in the awareness that hostility is a formula for pain and suffering. Regardless who wins in a war everybody loses.

Most of the fights we experience are with friends and family. Confident surrender – especially in these situations – says I love you and I refuse to fight or hurt you. It also says I refuse to believe that you mean me harm. The interpretation of attack is one of the biggest mistakes our egos make in relationships. Surrender acknowledges one’s own shortcomings and other’s, and it either atones or forgives. Its power is in its ability to heal and create peace. We all have the power to surrender; we need only the courage and discernment to practice it and to realize its effectiveness.

David Cantu
Life Coach Austin Texas
The Power of Surrender © 2007

Bhagavad-Gita (from chapter 18)
Give me your whole heart,
Love and adore me,
Worship me always,
Bow to me only,
And you shall find me:
This is my promise
Who love you dearly.

Transform Your Life – Create New Beliefs After Being Violated

David CantuPersonal Growth, Spirituality

I know what it’s like to want to die. How it hurts to smile. How you try to fit in but you can’t. How you hurt yourself on the outside to try to kill the thing on the inside. ~ Susanna Kaysen, Girl Interrupted

You were violated and then blamed yourself and others. You’ve lived with shame, confusion, fear and guilt. You felt powerless and may not have understood the experience. The uncertainty and self loathing has clung to you and you have become your own worst critic. You feel depressed, angry, defeated and inadequate.

Given your experience it makes sense that your life is as it is and that you feel as you do. Self forgiveness, the first step in your transformation, is the realization that you aren’t to blame for your experience and that you’re right to feel angry. It is a realization of both the appropriateness of your emotions and of the necessity to move on. The next step is forgiveness of those who wronged you; not for their sake but for your own peace. It’s time to release the torment and anguish of your heart. Your past is over; it’s time to embrace a new reality. People are often ignorant of how to live in harmony with others, and their actions cause others great pain. Most often those who hurt you were, in turn, hurt by others in an endless chain and always in ignorance. Decide to break the chain rather than perpetuate thoughts of fear and victimization. Forgiveness is the antidote to hatred and self loathing. Today, replace your shame and anger with wisdom and open your heart to the peace that is you birthright.

David Cantu
Life Coach Austin Texas
The Transformation of Violation © 2007

Luke 6:37
Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven.

The Freedom of Choice

David CantuSpirituality

Freedom lies in being bold. ~ Robert Frost

As children we weren’t able to understand life. Whether it was good or bad, disciplined or chaotic, many of us came to feel trapped and to see life as a conspiracy against us. Now, it doesn’t matter whether we fight, run away or give in; we can’t seem to change things. Others appear to have the luxury of freedom, but it eludes us. Controlling partners, unfulfilling work and inadequate income are among the burdens that overwhelm our sense of freedom.

You’ve imagined your confinement; you’re free. The pain that you feel is your resistance to a life of your own making. Fighting or pleading doesn’t work because you’ve misidentified your jailer. Your prison is your own mind. Discard the lenses through which you see your life and realize that you’ve created your experience. Freedom is the fact that you can decide what to do with your life. You’re free. Create the joyful life that is your destiny. Be bold today, you deserve it!

David Cantu
Life Coach Austin Texas
The Freedom to Choose © 2007

John 8:32
You will know the truth and the truth will set you free.

The Illusion of Danger, See the Truth

David CantuPersonal Growth

The most dangerous thing is illusion. ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

Rarely in life are we truly in danger. Nevertheless, feelings of anxiety, stress, self doubt, loss and fear frequently intrude in life. Thoughts of danger lurking around corners are a learned response that has calcified into habit. When you were small the world looked big and scary. It may even have been truly unsafe and dangerous for you. But that’s over; the threat of attack that you are now dealing with is in your mind. The evil you dread is your ego’s fear – of being small, oppressed, discounted and over burdened. Your fear is based on the illusion that you’re weak. The truth is that you’re powerful; you need only to realize that truth. Embrace courage and passion. Put your thoughts and energy into these things and the danger will surely vanish – it was never real.

David Cantu
Life Coach Austin
The Illusion of Danger © 2007

Joshua 1:9
Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go.”

Learning to Trust Others and Yourself

David CantuPersonal Growth, Relationships

You may be deceived if you trust too much, but you will live in torment if you don’t trust enough. ~ Frank Crane

Trust has more to do with self confidence than with the behavior of others. We generally know what to expect from the people in our lives, so how they behave isn’t the real issue. The point we often ignore is that our fear to love, to forgive or to act assertively in life is a much bigger problem than what others might do to us.

Rather than focusing on the shortcomings of others it’s far more valuable to develop strength of character within ourselves. To move from an attitude of mistrust to one of confidence you must know who you are: the one who creates and is responsible for your life.

The more you genuinely accept responsibility for your life, without guilt, shame or self punishment, the more you will trust yourself. You will then be free to trust others because you will have confidence in yourself to make wise choices and to handle the vicissitudes of life.

David Cantu
Life Coach Austin Texas
Trust Yourself to Trust Others © 2007

Tao Te Ching (from chapter 33)
Knowing others is intelligence;
knowing yourself is true wisdom.
Mastering others is strength;
mastering yourself is true power.